Recently, my husband looked at me and said he was two different people entirely. He has a work persona and a home persona. Both personalities are separate from one another. Now, this made me stop in my tracks, jaw drop, eyes wide, a million thoughts racing through my mind. My first thought was, “If your work personality comes out at home… do I have to fear for my life and safety? How do I know which personality I am talking to?” and so on my thought travelled down the long line that branched off in varying directions. Finally I came to the conclusion that is just is not logical to be two different people. To maintain those two different lives within one mind is not logical, rational, or sane in any way. I personally believe that if you have to change how you are, who you are, and your behaviors to suit people then who are you truly? Personality A, B, or C? D, E, or F?
Having this thought pattern opens my eyes to seeing so much more about why I have such a hard time making friends. I just cannot alter my personality to be a fake me. I have no rational, logical reason to do so. Being a wife of a Marine and not near home or people I really know is difficult, being a student whose classes are solely online is horrendous, being a mother to an infant is degrading my verbal skills to the point of speaking in motherese more than actual speech. I realize I am kind of weird, that is my charm, in my opinion, but it does make me wonder if that repels others. All in all, I am finding I need to get out more, make more friends, be more independent, and the list goes on for a mile or two. But will I teach my daughter that she needs to be two different people. A work or school person and a home person? Or that she needs to be true to herself and just be the perfect little girl God gave me…and that is it. Hopefully I will be able to show my daughter that being Joy as Joy is, is the perfect person she can be. Here is to the next 50 or so decades in which I will try to instill into my daughter good values, honesty, and acceptance!
josephinesmum 